They said university started on a random afternoon, but mine began on a specific Monday morning. I remember it all too well, feeling so small yet excited to start a new chapter of my life. I was so excited that I treated it like high school – which ended badly. I learned a lot.
Then, I was 21. It was my first year of pursuing my bachelor’s degree. It was also the age I felt like I had figured everything out like I knew which path I was going to take and what kind of person I wanted to become in the next few years. It was the age I felt the happiest. I ate well, laughed a little louder, and could feel a spark lingering around me, radiating how beaming I was.
It was also the age I took everything lightly, not holding anything too close to heart, which protected me from any kind of heartbreak. I slept a little too much and clung to my friends a lot. All the mundane activities didn’t bore me – talking and showing each other TikToks felt so comforting.
I didn’t overwork myself. I took things one day at a time, and stress wasn’t even on the list. Nevertheless, being 21 felt so fast – just a few more naps, perhaps two different dishes, and five cycles of wardrobe changes, and suddenly, I am turning 24 and in my final year as a student.
Now, at 24, I feel like I have to take things seriously. My emotions tend to rise and fall with every move I make, and my decisions can affect me deeply. Skipping meals has become routine, and I often oversleep to avoid thinking, as if I could win a trophy for it. My to-do list keeps getting longer and never seems to end, adding up each day. Worrying about the future and my career comes with a different level of anxiety. I fear not making good use of the six years I’ve spent at university. I think about how to pay off my student loans without burdening anyone. The craving for validation and reassurance is getting out of control – am I on the right path? Did I take the right route? What if there’s a dead end in front of me? What will be my backup plan?
At 24, I feel the need to be prepared for everything. I need more than one backup plan because I fear failure. Life isn’t supposed to be a race, but why does it feel like one? I shouldn’t compete with others, but why does the older generation keep reminding us that we need to excel and compete to get a job? If it’s not a competition or a race, why do I feel the need to get everything done before I turn 30?
Why does it feel suffocating to become an adult – will it really get better?
