It took me a long time to realize that I actually love myself a little bit more when I have company. Of course, I can do everything alone, and in fact, I have done almost everything alone. But I feel more alive when I have someone by my side.
When I’m alone, I can manage to go a whole day without eating. I’d rather sleep because the voices in my head aren’t helpful at all. I can carry all my burdens alone because involving others in my misery isn’t something I want to do.
But when I have company, I suddenly feel hungry all the time and love exploring restaurants and cafes together, just to share meals. Sleep doesn’t seem as necessary because talking feels nice, even if the conversation gets ridiculously silly as the hours pass. Carrying burdens doesn’t seem as heavy because their presence gives me warmth that words can’t express.
It feels like being wrapped by a warm blanket on a chilly night, it's the way their presence can illuminate my best qualities, making me shine brighter than I ever could alone.
Perhaps I feel much more alive when I have company. Maybe I need that constant reassurance to fill the room, to fill my heart. It reminds me that I am capable of being loved, valued, and understood. There is something they see in me that I cannot see myself – the part of me that is full of life. And perhaps, it’s this reflection that makes me like myself better, knowing that I am capable of such connection and warmth.
However, the world can be harsh. I am often on my own whether I like it or not. I drive alone, eat alone, carry everything alone, and that’s the norm I need to accept without complaining.
But then, when I reach home, I realize I don’t want to do everything alone after all.
