I’m not afraid of being alone. In fact, I love it – the peace of being alone with no unanswered questions, no worries about where I stand in someone’s life. It’s peaceful in the simplest ways. No missed calls to worry about, no unanswered texts to read too deeply into. It’s just me, in a world that’s quiet and uncomplicated. Nothing is quite as comforting as realizing that I don’t need anyone to feel complete.
But… there’s this other part of me. A part that loves the idea of being loved, that wonders what it would be like to have someone who holds my heart like it’s their favorite thing. Maybe in some ways, I was meant to be a lover, even if I’ve never quite found someone to be that for me. There’s a quiet yearning that hides beneath my love for being alone – a wish to be seen, to be cherished, not just as a friend or a temporary thing but as someone’s the love of their lives.
I sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be thought of, maybe even missed when I’m not around. I think about what it would be like to be someone’s first call when something amazing happens, or when they need the kind of comfort only I could offer. I crave the kind of love where the thought of each other feels like coming home, where even silence is comfortable because you’re together. There’s a warmth in those thoughts that I can’t quite shake, even though I cherish the comfort of my solitude.
Being alone means there’s no mess, no misunderstandings, no heartbreak to mend. But it also means there’s no hand to hold, no soft laughter to replay in my mind, no chance to get lost in that warm glow of being loved just for being me. Maybe there’s a version of my life where I get both – my precious solitude and the love of someone who understands how much I need both. Maybe there’s a love out there for me. Maybe.
Until then, I’ll wait in my quiet world, hoping for someone who fits into my solitude, who will slip into my world like they were always meant to be here. And maybe, when I least expect it, they’ll find me. And I’ll be ready to love them back the way I was always meant to.
