I once read that creating a sentence is like arranging beads on a thread. Sometimes the beads slip off, scattering all over the place, rolling to the far corners of the room and hiding beneath furniture. Other times, they align perfectly, and you manage to tie the knot, forming a perfect bracelet.
I believe I am good with words, but when it comes to speaking my thoughts aloud, the beads keep slipping, scattering everywhere, disorganized — frustrating and elusive. When I stutter, it feels like trying to collect the beads only for them to slip again, again and again.
This is why I often find myself at a loss for words when I actually want to say so much. The words that slip out of my mouth don’t match the depth of what I feel in my heart.
Just like how I want to say something more than just “I am proud of you” and offer you a hug, hoping it conveys the warmth I want to give. The words that escape from my lips and the unconscious actions of my body feel insufficient compared to what my heart is truly trying to convey. As my heart bangs against my ribcage, it screams with emotions that I long to share with you.
I could say so much more, just as I could write you a book with a beautiful chapters of how deeply I admire your strength and endurance. Each page would be filled with the depth of my feelings and the pride I have for you. I want to tell you how I see the countless hours you’ve dedicated to your goals, the quiet sacrifices you’ve made, and the toughness you’ve shown behind the brave facade. I want to tell you how much joy and warmth you bring into my life. Your laughter is like a song that I can’t remove from my favorite playlist, and your presence is like a comfort catalyst that helps a chemical reaction work efficiently — you just makes things better and easier for me. You are a source of endless happiness and solace, and I cherish every moment we share.
And finally, the last page of the book would end with the simplest yet most heartfelt words, I love you. These words would be the conclusion of everything written before. Though the content might seem unrelated to love, the essence of love completes the book. All the pages carry a universe of feelings and thoughts.
My heart wants to say so much more, but sometimes I can’t express it verbally. So, I write you this long paragraph, expressing everything I feel for you. Though my beads keep coming loose, my pen running out of ink, and I’m at the last page of the book with words that no longer fit — know that my paragraphs carry the weight of my entire feelings. Each page is a promise of all the love, care, and comfort I hold for you, a silent expression of everything I wish I could say out loud.
Yet even so, thank you for inspiring me to write when my voice fails to find the words.
